在这个世界上，我希望能够一直竭尽全力尽我所能，直至倾尽所有。我为此激动不已。
文 | 曹安雨 译 | 刘慕洁 图 | 曹安雨提供
大约两个月前，我和朋友Fiona去Upper Field为我们学校的长曲棍球队加油助威。当我们离开时，不经意回望了一下，一幅美景便映入眼帘：阳光洒落在托帕托帕山脉（Topa Topa Mountains）和连绵起伏的丘陵上，球员冲过广阔的绿色操场，我们的朋友、老师以及他们的孩子坐在一起。这样的场景在这儿很常见，这就是我每天都为自己感到幸运的原因。
我所就读的撒切尔高中（The Thacher School）是一所小型寄宿学校，位于加利福尼亚州奥海镇（Ojai），夸张点说，就是一个荒无人烟的地方。学校里的每一个人都互相认识， 我们同吃同住，学习在一起、玩在一起。校园很美，学习资源丰富，还有一群热爱和支持我们的老师。回想起来，这是一个非常完美的地方，我们将它称之为的“撒切尔泡泡”（Thacher bubble）。我很清楚，在撒切尔之外，大多数人都没有我们所拥有的东西，我们享受着特殊待遇。
这所学校的一个独特之处是，新生必须得参与一年的骑马项目，这意味着你得清理马粪、喂马、清洗马匹和骑马。高年级学生可以选择是否继续参与这个项目，大多数人都没有，因为继续便意味着你每天都得早早起床去清理马粪，这可不是什么理想的生活。但我选择了继续骑马，因为我知道毕业后可能就再也没有这种机会了。说到校园生活，我最喜欢的时刻中一定包括骑马部的负责人Winters先生带我们骑着马去放牛。骑到Cow Arena，我们就放出十几头牛，并且练习放牛——从城市中来的我从未曾想过这会是高中生活的一部分。
当然，撒切尔高中也并非十全十美。
我和朋友Defne在12年级时为争取学校的多元性和包容性做了诸多努力，与学校行政人员及老师的对话对我影响很大。我们经常说，撒切尔在把学校多元化之前（意味着有色人种数量增加），必须要做好相应的包容性工作，而我的另一位朋友Fatou和我在校园里遇到一些问题时，也总是有一种“失望但并不惊讶”的感觉。我说这些并不是为了“自曝家丑”（因为撒切尔正在努力改善），而是告诉未来想去美国上学的学生，你真的可能会变得美国化——也就是试图像白人一样，它会让你质疑你是谁，你代表什么，也会让你时不时质疑自己本来的文化。
我想说，在确定我的身份和我所代表的立场方面，我比白人同龄人成熟得更快。作为一名有色人种，身处白人之中，我获得了很多经验教训，我也会把这些经验教训带到大学。我还有个建议，那就是寻找支持你的人。如果没有我刚才提到的两个朋友、没有愿意和我进行有意义的对话的老师，我可能就无法顺利度过12年级。
在许多方面，撒切尔改变了我的人生，比如爱上语言学习。我从高一开始学习西班牙语一级课程。刚开始学得很糟糕，后来开始用功，并且在学年末获得表彰。从11年级开始，我既学西班牙语又学法语，还在课外学习古希腊语和阿拉伯语，并跟着外面的老师学日语。
简而言之，我学了很多语言，因为学校的语言浸入式课程（在西语和法语课堂上师生绝对不用英语）为我创造了探索的机会。我们有很棒的教师，他们鼓励你学习并真正理解这些学习内容。
教心理学的Arceo先生是我最喜欢的老师之一，他每月都会为我订阅美国心理学会的杂志，因为我请求他提供补充阅读材料。我曾经问过：“如果有一天我在其中一期杂志上看到你的名字，会怎么样？”他回答说：“更好的是，如果我看到你的名字，会怎么样？” 我在撒切尔遇到了一些真正关心学生身心健康的老师。在这个年龄段有人支持你，对于一个试图定位自己的青少年来说非常重要。因为Arceo先生的AP心理学课程，我有了学习神经科学专业的想法。最终我是否会真正走上这条道路，让我们拭目以待。
两周前，我高中毕业了。毫无疑问，我很想念我的朋友和老师们，以及学校的点点滴滴。这个暑期，我会在上海：阅读、看《实习医生格蕾》、和一名博士生一起研究癫痫病、与朋友聚会、做烘焙、练拳击，并为即将在芝加哥展开的新篇章做好心理准备。
在这个世界上，我希望能够一直竭尽全力尽我所能，直至倾尽所有。我为此激动不已。
About two months ago, my friend Fiona and I went down to the Upper Field to support our varsity lacrosse team. As we were leaving, we looked back at the mountains right before our eyes. It was a gorgeous sight to behold: sunshine spilling across the Topa Topa Mountains and the rolling hills, the players sprinting across the giant green field, and all of our friends and faculty and their kids sitting in groups on the track. Such sights aren’t rare at the Thacher School, which is why I consider myself such a lucky person every single day.
I have to say that attending Thacher was a unique experience. This is a small boarding school in Ojai, California (a.k.a. the middle of nowhere) where everyone in the community knows each other. We study, learn, eat, sleep, and play in the same space. We live on a beautiful campus with resources at our disposal and people who love and support us. Looking back, it was very much an ideal place, which is what we call the “Thacher bubble.” I am well aware that outside of Thacher, most people don’t have what we have and that we are extremely privileged.
One thing that is unique about Thacher is that new students have to complete one year in the Horse Program, which means you muck, feed, groom, and ride a horse. Upperclassmen can choose whether or not they want to continue to ride. Most of us don’t because it means you wake up early to clean horse poop (not ideal). Anyway, I chose to keep riding since I’ll probably never get to ride again after graduation. My favorite moments from Thacher definitely include ones where Mr. Winters, our riding department head, took us to herd cattle on horseback. We would ride up to the Cow Arena and let out the dozen of cows and practice herding cattle. Coming from a city, I did not envision this to be part of high school, so I’m really grateful for special experiences that I’ve been fortunate enough to have because of Thacher.
Of course, Thacher had its problems. Diversity and inclusion work was one of the biggest things my friend Defne and I fought for during our senior year, and our conversations with the administration and faculty impacted me in a huge way. We often said that Thacher diversified the student body before it did any inclusion work, and my other friend Fatou and I literally had a saying “disappointed but not surprised” whenever some issue arose on campus. I am not saying this to air out Thacher’s dirty laundry (because Thacher is trying to improve), but rather to tell prospective students of American schools that becoming Americanized (a.k.a. trying to act white) is a real thing and it makes you question who you are and what you stand for and your cultural values at times. I would say that I matured a lot faster than my white peers in terms of figuring out my identity and what I represent, and I will take the lessons that I learned from being a person of color at a majority white institution to college. I would also recommend finding people who support you; I wouldn’t have gotten through my senior year without the two people I just mentioned and amazing faculty who were willing to engage in meaningful conversations.
In many ways, Thacher changed my life. Thacher is the reason why I fell in love with learning languages. I took Level One Spanish during my freshman year and I was pretty terrible until I started working at it and received a language commendation at the end of the year. I then doubled in Spanish and French starting my junior year. I also studied Ancient Greek and Arabic as extracurriculars and learned Japanese with a tutor. Long story short, I learned a lot of languages because the language immersion program (meaning absolutely no English is spoken inside the classroom) at Thacher allowed me to explore. We have wonderful faculty who encourage you to learn and truly understand the material. One of my favorite teachers, Mr. Arceo (who teaches psychology), always gave me the monthly subscriptions to the American Psychological Association magazines because I asked him for extra reading material. I once asked him, “What if I see your name in one of these magazines one day?” To which he replied, “Even better, what if I see yours?” I encountered some teachers at Thacher who really cared about their students’ wellbeing, and having a support system at this age is really important for a teenager who is trying to figure out their place. It’s because of Mr. Arceo’s AP Psychology class that I want to major in neuroscience; we’ll see if I actually end up going through with it.
I graduated two weeks ago and I definitely miss my friends and faculty and all the small yet beautiful details about Thacher. In the meantime, I’ll be in Shanghai, probably reading, watching Grey’s Anatomy, researching epilepsies with a Ph.D. student, meeting up with friends, baking, boxing, and mentally preparing myself for the next chapter in Chicago. I could not be more excited to keep doing the best work in the world that I can, till the best I can do is all done.
曹安雨（Phoebe）
高中就读于美国加州的私立寄宿学校撒切尔高中（The Thacher School）。美高四年期间，她热爱马术，一直悉心照顾马匹并参加马术训练；她是学校报社的记者和主编，热心地为低年级同学辅导文科写作；她也喜欢学习各门语言，高中阶段学习并接触了西班牙语、法语、古希腊语、阿拉伯语和日语 。今年秋天，她将前往芝加哥大学，并计划在大学学习神经科学。
-End-
Leave a Reply